the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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