summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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