so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
