I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
Fav 3 1048 609 share tweet
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
