i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize
