He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Actions speak louder than pants.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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