who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
