love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
