someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
