Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just high enough for therapy.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
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