the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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