Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
