i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
