i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize