It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
How naked do you want me to be?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
