note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
