I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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