If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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