I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
