By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
