i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
