I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
