no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
