How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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