Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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