I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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