Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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