So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
