It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
