if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
