I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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