just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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