Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
