Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
