i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
