Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
