Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
