Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
