OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
