the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
