Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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