They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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