You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
