I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
