there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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