seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
