laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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