Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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