everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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