while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
