Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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