remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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