Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
