Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
