i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
