This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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