wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
