Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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