He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
