what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
