So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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