Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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