Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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