You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
