Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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